Anxieties

As I was getting ready for Sunday's sermon about confronting fears that keep us from moving forward in faith, I remembered a thread on one of the El Camino forums.  It was started by a young woman named Hilda who started to walk El Camino in 2008 and only got 3 miles down the 500 mile pilgrim way before she gave up.  Nevertheless she continued to feel the pull to walk, even though she continued to be frightened of it.  Hilda's honest sharing of her fears and her failure sparked a very honest, supportive, often moving discussion.  For more information, see the link below.

http://www.caminodesantiago.me/board/el-camino-frances/topic8123.html?hilit=fear

In the responses, a number of people shared their own fears.  While I don't think I am really frightened, re-reading this thread has made me reflect about the things I am anxious about.

So I thought I would write them down and see if I find that process helps me get some perspective.  So here is my anxiety list.

I am anxious about getting blisters.

 Actual Camino Blister.  Scary!

I am anxious about getting some sort of injury.

I am anxious about getting sick.

I am anxious about getting lost (even though the trail is well-marked, I can get lost ANYWHERE)

 Follow the yellow arrows.This doesn't seem so scary.

I am anxious about sleeping in pilgrim refugios with lots of snoring, farting strangers who come in too late or leave too early and disturb my sleep.

 Definitely scary.

 

I am anxious about sharing a bathroom and shower with those same strangers

I am anxious about bedbugs.

 Really, really scary

And, most of all, I am anxious about going all that way, walking all those miles, and not really experiencing anything spiritual or meaningful. 

 Is that all there is?  Scariest of all.

If any of my first anxieties come to pass, I trust this will happen--

If I get blisters, I will take care of them.

If I get injured, someone will help me.

If I get sick, someone will take care of me.

If I get lost, someone will help me find my way.

If I end up sharing sleeping and bathroom arrangements with rude or snoring pilgrims, I will put on my big girl panties and deal with it.

Hopefully, pre-treating my sleeping bag and sensible precautions will deal with the actual bedbug problem, if not the anxiety.

As for the final anxiety, the one that I won't have some sort of spiritual experience, this I leave to God.  I trust that all I have to do is pack an open heart.