Discovering my inner jock

I have never been a jock.  Growing up, I was the nerdy little girl whose nose was always stuck in a book--you know, the annoying one who sat on the front row, always knew the answer to any question the teacher asked, and never,ever turned her homework in late.  Looking back, I'm astonished that I had any friends at all.

 Not too surprisingly, I was ALWAYS the last person chosen for any team sport.  I can still see the athletic kid the PE teacher had named as a team captain sighing and saying, "I guessthat means we get Rene'."  I can't say I blame them.  I couldn't hit, I couldn't throw, and I screamed in panic if I was supposed to catch a ball.  

In 12 years of public education, in 4 years of college, in 3 1/2 years of seminary, I received exactly one C--spring semester of my sophomore year in college, in physical education.  The class was Basketball and Softball.  I signed up for it because it fit into my schedule and I had to have a PE credit.  No one told me that the class doubled as practice time for the girls' basketball and softball teams--and that little ole non-jock me would be judged by their jock standards.  I'm probably lucky that I didn't fail--it was a mercy C.

So I've never thought of myself as athletic.  Despite working out pretty consistently over the last 11 years and hiking vacations in Rocky Mountain National Park, inside I was still that awkward girl that nobody wanted on their team.   

But training for El Camino is putting me in touch with my inner jock.  I still don't think of myself as athletic and probably never will, but I am beginning to think of myself as ....fit.  I feel fit.  I still can't catch a ball or make a basket, I still would justifiably be chosen last in any sport that involved coordination, but I feel...fit.  It's a new feeling, one I am still getting used to, but I have to say I like it.  I like feeling that I can ask my body to do something challenging (like walk 500 miles!) and trusting my body to rise to the challenge.  

Feeling fit doesn't have much to do with weight loss.  The scale remains stubbornly stuck where it was 3 weeks ago, though I do think everything jiggly is a little less jiggly.  But I'm discovering that feeling fit isn't about a number on a scale or my pants size.  It's about how I feel in my body.  No, that's not exactly right.  It's about feeling like my body and I are no longer uneasy companions occupying the same physcial space--that we really are a team.  So I guess there is one team I can be a member of, even captain of.  Team Me.